Oh the joy of going to the airport. Show up all packed and dressed. Then you check in, you give your credit card to a machine and it tells you where you are going today, how you are going to get there and how many little side trips you'll be making along the way. Then you give your bag to a total stranger (note:this is the only time at an airport that it is alright to do so, for all other instances, please check with the announcements that will happen every 3.14 seconds.) Now that most of what you plan on taking on your trip is no longer with you you can move to security.
First they will check your ticket and your ID. They want to make sure you are you. If you are having an identity crisis it is not the time to fly. Next you move into a whole new line. Here you will start unpacking your belongings and then start to undress. (I'm thinking that I'm going to start checking everything but a book and travel in my underwear, hey, I'll get through security easier) They then x-ray your belongings to guess what you are carrying and where you'll be going (I think it is a game that they play, you know to pass the time). You then walk through a metal detector, I've been through some that you could have been cased in metal and would have gone off and I've been through some that if you seen metal in the last million years you'll set it off. Best of luck.
Now that you have made it you can attempt to locate your gate. Try not to think of yourself as a rat in a maze, if you do you'll only end up craving a chunk of cheese, which by the way they will sell to you on the plane, for the low price of $353.23 Exact change is always appreciated. If you manage to locate the gate you'll find that everyone at the airport is sitting there. They aren't actually all waiting for your flight (your destination isn't that cool) they just wanted to sit there (apparently your gate is).
You'll notice that there is a boarding time on your ticket, don't believe it, that is most likely when the plane will arrive. They will then "deplane" not my word, their. Think of the little guy from Fantasy Island, except now he is a rather large mean looking German, standing at the front of the aircraft pointing out the door "Deplane! Deplane!"
Well now that the people have managed to get off the airplane everyone on that flight will flock to the door thinking that they will be called up first and will be given the super secret better then first class seat. Actually today while in the airport I was down where there were 5 different terminals all next to each other. One person made an announcement that people needed to clear to the sides, groups at all 5 moved out of the way. Then the voice said that first class passengers could board. All 5 groups people started moving forward. The lady forgot to specify which flight. Now to make matters better 3 of the terminals had the door closed. Of the 2 that had open doors to the jetway only one had a ticket agent next to it.
Well, for the time being I'll end this here, most likely I will pick it up again and take you further through the process that is flying today.
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